You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
