What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
