Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
smell my finger.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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