Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
