my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
