Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
