he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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