I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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