i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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