We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
