I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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