We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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