I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
