I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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