he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
