you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
