Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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