you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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