i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
