so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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