I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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