Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
