I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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