and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
