I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
