Need sex. Gaining weight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
