love makes seman taste better
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
