Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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