the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
