i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
