conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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