Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
