my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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