are you so shy because you have an std?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
