i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
