is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
