just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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