saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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