Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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