Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
