she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
