His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
