Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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