Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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