ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
