Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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