True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
