I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
