There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
