Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
