Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
