shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
