"it" just moved
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
