Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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