His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
