come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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